So we went to church today. Oh, my goodness. Can someone please teach some people just common courtesy and decency?
My husband, the whole church service, talked and used that time to catch up with his sister. Literally annoying as fuck. I was over there trying to mind my own business and listen to the message but you can’t bloody think over two grown ass adults giggling and talking and carrying on a full-blown conversation beside of you.
Not to mention: they talked during prayer! I thought that honestly, that would be at least a little break from their verbal tirade. But no, they thought they could just talk louder so they could hear each other over everyone else praying. Ruined my whole church experience. I was so mad at him for pretty much the rest of the day.
On another side note, he’s high again today. He was having one of the worst withdrawals he’s ever had with vomiting and dry heaving. And, to be honest, I literally just didn’t have it in me today to fight it. I could not argue with him and I can’t even bring myself to be his babysitter today. I am exhausted. I guess that’s what work does to you.
So, he won this round. I’m not even going to try to deny it. He seems so sincere in wanting to stop though. He was practically in tears about how bad he feels and how he just doesn’t want to live this type of life anymore where he’s a drug addict. He says he is tired of this life. I believe him. I am tired of this life as well.
I am tired of being broke all of the time. I am tired of being the only grown up in this relationship. I am hella tired of being his babysitter when he gets high. I am tired of being the moderator. I am tired of having to call him out on his bullshit. I am just flat out tired and exhausted. Can I just quit? Is there a way to just turn off my feelings and my love for him? I wish there was a button I could press that would make me not care about him anymore.
Anyways. Until next time.