When Will This End??

So as soon as he came home from work today, he was asking me for more stuff.

The issue is that he tried to get an appointment with a psychiatrist to get him a prescription but I don’t even know what he did. Anyways. That didn’t work out for him. So I ended up spending a good 2 hours of my time calling around to different places to get him an appointment. Lord, that is a headache in and of itself.

Anyways. So. He got some more drugs today. He got high. He smoked a cigarette. Same shit, different day. I am so tired of the whole cycle. Oh, and by the way, he literally becomes one of the neediest and most annoying people in the whole wide world when he is high. It also doesn’t help that he’s not feeling well. All men are basically babies at the slightest hint of sickness.

We attempted to have sex tonight. We managed to get his dick up for a couple of thrusts and then he was down again. Our sex life has been completely lacking these days. It makes me feel guilty, but I’ve had dreams where I was with someone else. Not a drug addict, someone who can have sex with me more than once a month or so. When he can’t get his dick to cooperate because he’s too high or whatever is going on, it makes me feel like I’m not pretty enough and he’s not turned on by me. I know that it’s completely false but feelings are feelings. I really wish things were different right about now.

Lately, I’ve been praying that something will just take a turn for the better. I am tired of having no money and no hope that things are getting any better. He keeps having this optimistic outlook on life and stuff, but I’m not like him. He manages to suck me into his optimistic viewpoint at times, but lately, it’s not been working.

He told me today that I am too mean to him while he’s high. I don’t want to be nice to an annoying junkie. It makes me feel kinda bad because he’s still my husband, but he honestly doesn’t act like it when he’s on something. He’s almost completely a different person. Although, he did finally dance with me in the middle of the kitchen to random songs. That made me smile and made me happy.

Anyways, if anyone has any encouragement, drop it in the comment section. Would be very much appreciated.  Like always, until next time.


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