He didn’t last. Literally, cannot last a whole day without drugs. However, he is taking less and less with each day, so one pill is lasting longer and longer. Which is good.
Today, I am not even mad. I’ve grown simply apathetic to this whole situation. He was honest and open with me about his situation. For once, he showed trust in me. That feels good to me.
How pathetic am I? He shows me a little bit of human decency and I’m excited about it. Isn’t that really messed up?
I want to give up on this life most days. I want to literally take a handful of pills or something else. But most days I can’t bring myself to do it. I start to think about all these people I know who have overdosed and how so many people supposedly “mourned” them, but have forgotten them literally within a month of them dying. It’s so sad. And I know that it wouldn’t help my husband. He would just spiral down into a pit of despair and he would probably end up overdosing himself. Not to mention, I hate drugs.
Living with an addict has made me super cautious about what I put into my body. I have seen this spill over into every aspect of my life as well. Nursing wise, I keep looking at people and I can’t help myself from wondering who are the ones that are truly in pain and who are the ones that are just hooked. This epidemic sweeping the nation is just so sad. There are people dying on accident and leaving little kids traumatized. I am literally so glad that I can’t have any children because I don’t want a child having to go through everything that I am going through. No child should ever experience this.
I’m hoping that my husband won’t get crazy tonight. That he won’t be so annoying. That literally is the worst thing about him getting high all of the time. Oh and don’t get me started on the smoking. That is literally the grossest thing.
And in the length of time it took for me to type all of this out, he got annoying. Yay. Just my luck. He is so weird. I literally have never met a more annoying person than him when he is high.
It’s starting to seem like all I ever do is complain about the same problem and have no solution to it. Well, that’s simply what living with an addict is like. There really is no solution. I have called more than 10 psychiatrist offices today. Either they never picked up, they aren’t accepting new patients, or their prescribing doctor is on vacation. Really? What the hell is up with mental health in America? There is literally almost no help out there. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was just a mental health ER or mental health walk-in clinic? Too bad laws are restrictive and dumb.
If anyone has any opinions, drop it in the comments section.
Until next time.