We all need them. For the past two days, I’ve really needed it.
Yesterday, I woke up and was literally paralyzed with depression and anxiety. I could not get myself out of bed. I contemplated everything I had to do that day, and I was overcome by sheer panic.
So, I did the only thing possible at that point: I called into work.
The thing about mental health days, however, is that they can stretch on. So, yesterday, I called my psychologist and made an appointment: first available was today. Right in the middle of my work day. So, again, I called in.
It’s really frustrating when your feelings and your thoughts will not let you function as a normal human in society. It’s also very frustrating when you are having to miss 2-3 days of work at a time every 4-5 months because your psyche just cannot handle any more stress. That is how bad everything has gotten.
Have I mentioned that today is payday? It’s also a race to pay the bills due this week so that my husband doesn’t get it into his head that we have extra money to spend. We never do. So, today is extra stressful in and of itself. Oh, and the house is a mess. Yes, it is a mess because I couldn’t bring myself to do anything yesterday. I couldn’t even bring myself to take a shower yesterday even though I knew that I definitely needed one.
People who don’t understand just simply wave you off, telling you to take a happy pill and everything will get better. No, not really. Happy pills don’t work on me. Instead, I tend to get the opposite reaction. And, I also don’t like pills. So, instead, I go to counseling. I talk things out. I force myself to deal with the issues head on. And I’m good for the next 4-5 months. Until I bottle things up again, and the stress level gets so overwhelming that I cannot do anything.
Does anyone else have this problem?