5 years

Today, he realized that he’s been sober for 6 weeks.

He realized that this is the longest time span that he has been sober for in 5 years.

Can you imagine what it’s like to be controlled by something for over 5 years?

I mean, it’s a daily battle for him to stay sober right now. But he’s doing it.

He says it’s getting easier to say no to himself. The cravings are less intense.

He fills the void with running. With little video games on his phone. With Reddit. With documentary films.

I think I’ve watched about my limit of documentary films about monkeys and other animals.

I just can’t wrap my brain around the fact that he is actually staying sober.

This gives me hope for the future. This has me planning stuff out. For him to stay clean and sober for more than a month, it has been a miracle.

He says that therapy is helping him. Which is good. I am glad that he has someone whom he can talk to and that someone knows what to say or not to say. Because, personally, I’m lost when it comes to talking to him about his drug addiction.

I’m too close to the issue. Too closely related to show pure empathy and not judge. He’s hurt me too much with his drug use for me not to have my own opinions and my own outbursts.

Alas, I am excited. Because he is staying sober.

And then, another part of me is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am waiting to come home one day to him being high off his ass. I am waiting to check the bank account and for it to be over-drafted. I am waiting for disappointment.

I can dream, I can hope. But I have to accept the reality that there’s always a chance that he’ll fail. I really hope that he doesn’t. But at least I’m not lying to myself about it. Statistically, he will relapse at least 3 more times. Statistically speaking, he’ll probably have to go through an official program. Statistically speaking…. He might be the next overdose.

But I don’t want to think about that.

Anyways, as always, I shall keep you updated of anything else that’s new…

-N

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